Divorce: American Style

James McAllen
6 min readJun 9, 2022

Divorce is an ugly word. It’s never pretty. Even when the parties involved are so toxic to each other that both can only benefit from separation, it still winds up causing pain to those around them.

Divorce: in latin, it’s divortium — essentially it means — to divide.

Despite our boasting of being a melting pot, America has always had an uneasy marriage. 335 million people thrown together, not always by choice; sometimes it was the result of political diaspora, sometimes it was the result of forced migration, sometimes it was the result of economic desperation, but it’s never been a happy, healthy marriage.

Oh, we all wave the flag on July 4th, and we were unified for a moment back in Sept of 2001, but the seeds of division have been lurking underneath the surface for many, many generations. And now, we may have reached the point of no return in our uneasy and imperfect union.

It may be time for a peaceful divorce.

I don’t say this with glee, I say it with trepidation; the overwhelming fear that if we don’t act to peacefully separate now, the specter of a bloody civil war looms over our nation.

Oh, it’s not as far-fetched at it may seem. We’ve seen the pangs of discontent being played out in 2020. A summer of riots and unrest in our cities, followed by the harrowing attack on our nations Capitol in Jan of 2021.

Make no mistake, those were the first battles of the in the 2nd Civil War, and rather than watch our country descending into bloody madness, it’s time to start having conversations with a divorce attorney.

If ever there were two parties with irreconcilable differences, it is America, 2022.

It goes beyond the political arena, of course, racial divisions, class warfare; this nation has become so toxic that civil conversations are no longer possible, meaning that healing the divisions that separate us are beyond discussion.

There once was a time in my life where you could look at men like Bob Dole, or Mitt Romney or Chuck Hagel, or my personal favorite, John McCain, and say “While I don’t agree with you, I admire your principles, and I can work with you.” But those days are long past. The right wing of this country has become so vile and reprehensible, that I no longer consider any of them to be even remotely honorable. But the fact of the matter is that every single republican I know feels the same way about the left.

They’re probably both right.
There’s an old saying, “If you find yourself arguing with an asshole, chances are, he’s doing the same thing.”
While we can live with differences of opinion; at no time can we, or should we compromise on facts. This is not negotiable.

Every battle in congress, or in the media, or on the timelines of Facebook, is a pitched battle of vitriol and disgust for the opposition. We have reached the stage in our relationship where we no longer listen to each other. We just scream, and like most dysfunctional relationships, when civil discourse in no longer possible, violence usually follows.

I, for one, can no longer have conversations with people who deny climate change, despite the mountain of scientific evidence, while at the same time, believe in voter fraud, despite the complete lack of tangible proof. I’m fairly certain that there is someone reading this right now saying the same thing about me.

Of course, dividing the country doesn’t solve the problem of all the Right leaning people that live in Blue states and vice versa, but we’ll have to deal with that at another time.

So what would it look like on paper?

Well, the four western states, (Ca, Wash, Ore, Nevada) would form their own country, and the two landlocked states of Colorado and New Mexico would join Western America.

The industrial midwest, (Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin) would join up with the populous eastern states (New York, New Jersey, Conn, Penn, etc) to form another country, leaving the south and middle America to form their own imperfect union, and if they want Trump to be their president, so be it.
Of course, once the 5 million retired people in Florida realize that they will no longer be getting SS checks from the residents of Blue America, they will quickly fall in line and change their banners to a lovely shade of Cerulean.

Oh yeah, you didn’t think we were going to continue to foot the bill for your sides’ incompetence, did you?
Oh no, my friend. I, for one, will be overjoyed to stop sending my tax dollars to Kentucky and Mississippi and Alabama. Let those rugged individualists fend for themselves!

But the beauty of this divorce, it that it would finally force both sides to work together. You see, one side controls the food supply, and the other side controls the money. Without farm subsidies, farmers and ranchers would be forced to price their goods at fair market value, while the other side would have no choice but to pay a premium for the goods that the so desperately want.

The other by-product is the end to all foreign wars. Without a unified America to meddle in the affairs of the rest of the world, Europe and Asia would be forced to fend for themselves. Of course, each of the three countries would have their own militaries to defend against all enemies, foreign or domestic, but without the unified war machine, who is going to vote to intervene in senseless wars on the other side of the planet?
Or put it another way; why doesn’t the rest of the world hate Canada the way they hate us?

Regarding the “disputed” 2020 election, there are only two possible scenarios:

A. Joe Biden and his minions perpetuated a massive undertaking to steal the election through voter fraud and other illegal means (ok, I’m laughing as I type this) and we currently have an illegal and fraudulent government, or…

B. The former President foisted a lie about the elections and used his dutiful followers to attempt to stop a legal election process, and overthrow the duly elected President.

There are no third options.
You can’t just say, “ooops, we made a mistake.”
Someone (a lot of someones) has to go to prison.
In any other democracy, that would be a forgone conclusion, but not in America, 2022.
Everybody knows that nothing of the sort will happen.
No state or local authority has presented anything remotely resembling evidence of massive voter fraud to a court of any kind. I recall laughing at the sight of Giuliani and his “star” witness babbling on incoherently in a Michigan State House inquiry. And despite the fairly obvious lies being pushed by the MAGAites, you just know that nothing is going to come of it. America is far too rotten internally to police itself.

I tremble at the thought of the 2024 election. If the current front runners are still around in 2024, then the prospects of a happy outcome are diminished greatly.
If Trump wins, the left will revolt.
Of this I have no doubt, and the riots and unrest of 2020 will look like a trip to Disneyland.
If Biden wins, there is no way that Trump and his blind followers will accept the outcome, and Jan 6th will be a nightly event.
The same thing goes if Trump gets indicted in Georgia, or by the DOJ for his role in trying to overturn the election. The Right won’t stand idly by.
Which brings us to the obvious question:
In a country of 335 million people, are these two diaper-wearing, doddering old fools the best we can come up with?
Is this the best that America has to offer?

If that’s the case, then it’s obvious that we’re past the point of redemption.

It’s time, America. Divorce isn’t pretty, but sometimes, it’s the only choice.